i got called away for dinner so never got to post this or my answer to Barbara (written around 5pm my time)

i just got a call from my pdoc wondering where i was. my appointment was at 4.30. turns out, MY VOICEMAIL DIDN'T GET THERE! AACKKK!!! i was shaking like a leaf talking to him. i told him i didn't have the flu or a migraine or anything, that i just couldn't handle doing therapy today. and i said even if he had got my voicemail, i only left it at lunchtime and was sorry about cancelling so late but i had not foreseen feeling this bad about going.

i was stammering on the phone. he said not to worry. we left it at getting in touch soon, nothing specific, no appointment at this time.

i feel a bit better after having talked to him in person. perhaps it was a boon that the voicemail didn't get there, or he probably would not have called.

i do not know when i will be ready to see him. i need a break even though i do feel less angry.

~ waves ~