I cannot tell you how much I hated reading that you have a gun!! I understand what you are feeling but it cannot get better if you kill yourself. I don't believe that you want your life to end...you want to have a life that you can enjoy...one that has promise and hope. I don't know how to help you see that it can get better, it can improve...but not if you end it.

If memory serves me, and it usually doesn't, Pter used to tell me that he felt in death, he'd continue to live the very same life he ended..because he ended it. That belief helped him continue to live.

It's a struggle...but you must survive! Thank you for not using that gun.
I remember walking around the cemetary with a loaded gun after our son Michael killed himself...today I am so glad that I didn't use it on myself.

It's good that you are talking about how you feel lonely1.