Connie,

It makes me so sad to hear about what your dad and what you are going through. When I read your posts about your dad, it reminds me so much of what my late husband (who died of cancer) went through. It just seemd like it was one thing after another. It's hard to see so much suffering. Unbearable, really, when it's someone you love. At least with chemo I felt like maybe the suffering would be worth it in the end. I understand too, the shock of hospice. It feels so much like giving up, like the first stage of a really scary journey. I remember the nurses telling me that people do go off hospice sometimes, although in my husband's case there wasn't any real chance of that. It did turn out to be the best thing we could have done though. Your dad will get so much attention and help from hospice and they really are experts at making patients comfortable. And the hospice nurses are the kindest, most compassionate people on the planet.

I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but I laughed when I read about the neuro who told you it was all in your mind and you should just relax. How ridiculous is that?!?

I'm so sorry you're going through so much. I'll bet you never thought you'd be where you are. It's not fun and there's no easy way to get through this, is there? I completely understand your prayer. I've said lots of crazy prayers. Now I just pray - if this is how it's going to be, then okay. Just please help me to accept this and take the misery and fear away. Just let me feel some comfort.

I'm not a particularly religious person, but I sometimes do say that prayer.

Of course I'm not comparing my situation to yours, you have many more health challenges than I do. But I do understand the feeling of everything falling apart and watching someone you love suffer so much.

I don't post as much as I should, but I want you to know that I follow your posts and you are always in my thoughts.

Ally