You are going to need to get proactive with your depression dear girl. If you are drug resistant and don't have a tharapist to talk to then I want you to promise me that you'll change your "way of living". By that I mean you need to stop accepting your life as it is...and get busy trying to change it.
I got in "hot water" one time trying to talk to another forum member here who misunderstood my intentions....call it tough love, call it love but
you need to find a reason to live. Why??? because we, all of us on this forum, want you to. You are too young to throw it all away.
Get a dog, or a cat, or a bird...find a church, help in the nursing homes by reading to the residents..serve meals at the Rescue Missions...volunteers are needed everywhere and what goes around, comes around. Go for a walk...a bike ride...write in a journal..bake cookies for your neighbors..great way to get acquainted.
Do
something, try even if it's hard....and I know the first time will be the hardest.
And get mad at me if that will help!