I was suppose to go to the Dr. Monday but I called down and told the girls that I needed to get in today and they called me back and said can you be here in 15 minutes. That's my Dr. for you. He's Superman to me.

Anyway, my pelvic pain was through the roof. I had taken Methadone and put on a Lidocaine patch on my left hip/pelvic area and then put a heating pad on the area and burned my leg. So when I went in, I had a burn on my leg. I didn't notice it due to the pelvic pain. I think they could sat me on fire when I'm in this much pain and I wouldn't notice anything but the RSD.

I also have Pink Eye. I woke up this morning with a red, watery eye so he gave me a script for eyedrops.

Anyway, when I was talking to my Dr. I asked him about me going back on Methadone full time. Taking it 3 times a day like I was doing months ago to get it in my system so that I can keep my pain level down. He said he'd rather I didn't. The reason being, I have Motility related Dypsepsia, Metabolic Syndrome, GERD, and PUD. He thinks my system will start shutting down again even though I'm on Metforim to keep it working right. He didn't tell me no and I do have plenty of Methadone on hand so it's not as if he is saying a definate no. He lets me use my own judgement, he trusts me. When I'm in this much pain though, nobody should trust me.

I feel like I am stuck in a mess. If I can't take pain meds of any kind what do I do?

He did give me lidocaine injections, inside and out. It usually helps but with this damn weather change, as I told him, I don't know if it will help right now.

When I get in this much pain, I start thinking man, they shoot horses don't they. I also think, just call in Dr. Korvorkian. I get very suicidal because of the pain.

I feel like I am in better shape then a lot of you but when I get like this, I just go nuts. I even worry about not being able to get in to see my Dr. to get the shots I need or the meds I need even though I have plenty of meds on hand and he is just a phone call away. Do any of you feel this way when you are at your worst.

Even though my Methadone helps me more then anything I am on, someone said it right in one of their post that when our pain levels are at their highest, nothing works for us.

This is me venting guys. Thanks for all of you being there. I am glad we all have each other.

Ada