idon't know if i am going to make sense or not but I think you have to focus on you and what you have to contend with. you are a hero for contending with bipolar for staying alive and not turning bitter. bipolar creates pseudo needs that i think will never be met. when do we have peace and calm? isn't there always inner turmoil? whenever a situation happens, it really skunks us because it is just the manifestation of the preexisting inner turmoil? don't abandon yourself. you are such a special person-so thoughtful and caring besides brilliant and multitalented. can you try to flood yourself with self love?
love
bobby