thanks so much for your message. the original abandonment stuff probably preceded the bipolar. i was not a bipolar child. but i do believe what the psych's say. i can look back and there was a lot of stuff i had to deal with - that i should not have had to deal with - on my own. and i could not deal with it, on my own. this probably helped precipitate bipolar later, and not the reverse.

dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a technique which is useful for Borderline Personality. I do not fit a Borderline diagnosis completely (for instance, i do not self-injure) but fear of abandonment is an aspect of it, and i have one or two others which is where i see DBT could be helpful. Maybe someday....

i don't know if i can flood myself with self-love or if would neutralize feelings of abandonment. with other kinds of incidents, i can actually get feelings of annihilation and have panic attacks or depersonalize or derealize and i can't feel any more at all. i have learned to reground myself, sometimes even avoiding meds... but usually remain somewhat flat at that point.

Bobby i am sorry you are feeling so unwell. I wish there was something I could do for you or all of us on the forum could do for you. Anyway, i will think about the self-love. (hopefully i won't overdo things and become a Narcissist hehe ) Seriously though. I can't say that lately i have been very good at appreciating myself, so perhaps you have hit on something in that regard.

i wish things with your sister were smoother. you try and be kind to yourself too.

~ waves ~