I am currently very depressed about my situation and feel like my life is over (I think if I didn't have kids to take care of I would have no desire to live at all right now).

I know exactly how you feel. In fact I would even say that if it weren't for my kids chances are I wouldn't be here right now. At the end of the day, I always realized that I couldn't bring that kind of pain on my kids so I've made myself go on.

Still, I think with treatment (and I have been without a diagnosis or treatment for 8 years) things can improve dramatically for both of us. I'm a firm believer in the little things making life beautiful and worth living. Unfortunately, it's the little things - a walk in the woods (or desert ), lunch and a good laugh with a close friend, that are denied to us. Also, like everyone here, I love taking care of my family, I love the sense of accomplishment I get when I DO something - whether it's making cookies for my kids or getting a master's degree, it just feels so good. It's hard to try to find a way to live without all that. Sometimes of course I get to do those things, but too often not.

So, I understand what you're saying. I really do. I also have hope that your life will be better but - I know from years of pushing myself through this exhaustion and weakness trying to get a degree so I can get a job and take care of my family that you reach a point where you just can't do it anymore. And I am the queen of willpower! Sounds like you're pretty tough too. What I'm saying is that if you need to pursue disability, then do it. Don't take no for an answer until you've tried everything. I don't think people understand what agony it is for those who are sick to have to push through every single minute of every day. It's awful. Do what you have to do to stay sane, and take whatever medications can help you (within your comfort zone). Don't give up, people do get better, people do get disability, people do get help.

Ally