and about 3 or 4 years later was rearended in my car 3 times in one crappy winter. No, I said that wrong. I should say 3 different crappy drivers, not paying attention to traffic ahead, hit the rearend of my car in one winter; one had no brakes, knew it, but was out driving on the icy roads anyway. Another was going along at the speed limit (40 mi.per hr), never looked up to see the intersection ahead with cars waiting at the red light. My car was last in line waiting at the red light, she hit me without ever looking up or slowing even. The 3rd time was similar to this, where I was (last again!) in a line of stopped traffic and was hit by someone yacking away without watching ahead.

After each hit, I had neck pain for a few weeks, which went away and nothing else happened ('least not right away anyway). At that time, I was already absorbed in trying to stay on-the-job while trying to keep my MS foot drop, imbalance and fatigue from showing, I let the rearending stuff go out of thought.

The 2nd spring following the winter of those rearendings, my right arm became a mess; I'm right handed too. It hurt like he_ _, the muscles on it twitched 24/7, the pain and weakeness worsened on upward movement so that I couldn't use my right arm to reach up and touch my head, wash my hair, or barely write anything on paper. Lying down to sleep was the only time that produced pain in the site of injury, my neck, but that was lost in noise of what was going on in my right arm. I went to an ortho doctor (not my neuro) who dxed it as tennis elbow, told me to do these certain sets of exercises, and so on.

1, I'd tried to play tennis once in my much younger life, didn't have the coordination for it, so gave it up. I don't remember completing 1 game even. 2, the exercises (involving pulling a rubber band hooked to a door knob out in various angles) produced even more pain and no relief.

I finally went to my neuro. As I had expected, she told me it was MS doing this to my arm. I loved that neuro (now deceased), she was a good listener. I knew if I felt strongly that it was not MS, but something else (which I had no idea what that something else could be), she wouldn't remain stuck in her view. I just happen to lack the energy to convince or talk at the time.

Well anyway, I stuck to my guns and convinced her, I felt strongly that this thing in my right arm was not MS related. She said "Ok then, let's do an MRI on your spine and see what going on."

When I saw her on follow up, she was really upset, demanded to know what I had done to my neck? I had no idea, as I thought it was my arm, not my neck. She showed me the MRI. I nearly passed out. It was awful. My spinal cord was pressed up against the inside of the neck column bones and squeezed narrow in the place that 2 flat tires that once had been normal disks that resembled tires full of air. After I recovered from the near passing out shock of what I saw, I began to ask her what could cause this.

She showed me the nerves that were pinched that came out between those toppled disks that ran down the arm to the hand, and explainded how that produces all the arm problems and symptoms I was having. She told me the usual causes, one of them was whip lash most commonly produced in car accidents. I then told her about the 3 rearendings and the few weeks of neck pain that I'd had each time.

She then explained that it takes time following injury for disks to degenerate.

She scheduled me in with a neurosurgeon, and I drove home. I pulled over off the road a couple of times (into parking lots and parked BTW) as I drove home to put my head between my knees to keep from fully passing out. I'd never reacted to anything in this fashion before. But, those films were so horrid I guess I just couldn't absorb the shock of what I saw.

This was IN addition to existing, similar type threats posed by MS. Plus, at the time, I was still somewhere between shock, denial and mourning my MS dx -- coming to terms with that alone was still years away.

Now getting back to task.., I went to the neuro surgeon. I was not ready (literally coudn't stomach it) for the surgical procedure he explained to me. After a very emphatic "no" from me, he offered some isometric expercises to try. I started the exercises and SUPRISE, I was able to get things calmed down to point I was out of pain (at least the intesity of it anyway) and gain back use of my arm.

That was all years ago now. I no longer have that same revulsion reaction when I think of the surgury, and am now more calmed about the thing and mentally prepared to undergo that _ _ _ _ neck surgery. Those isometric expercises aren't doing the job as well as they had early on, so, I went back to my neuro about 2.5 years ago to see if we could get the surgery option back on the table. She ran spinal MRIs and discovered an MS lesion on the area of the cord that would be manipulated by the surgery. She said the surgery would be too risky with that volitile lesion there, and to keep the isometrics up without pause, take a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory (NSAIDS) like Advil, and wait a couple of years and see.

I had another spinal MRI done 2 mos. ago. I now have more spinal lesions to add to my list, but, the one that was new (2.5 years ago) in the area of the damaged disks is now inactive. I have just moved and haven't had time build confidence in my new doctors yet, but, when I do, I will once again pursue seeing if the surgury is something I should do or not.

In short, I wish I'd had the "guts" to have gotten that surgery back when I could have years ago. Isn't hindsight always 20/20?

Over time, I've developed cognitive and memory problems from brain lesions, but one thing that I remember vividly is the series of near pass outs over seeing pics of my spinal cord, and the feelings that whole thing produced. I also remember where I was in my abilty to deal with MS, work and recent rejection by my husband (tore my heart up) making me single parent of our two very active young sons at the time too. To say I was more than overwhelmed is truly an underexpression of my state of mind at the time. This is to say, any guilt I feel now because of my decision back then, I can forgive myself for, as I still remember well the fearful, confusing place I was in at that time. I'm out of that awful place now and have been for a half dozen years or more now.

Here's a good one I've heard along the way - "Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels".

My unforgivable regret though, is I never took any legal action against any of those drivers that rearended me. But, maybe time...naaah, not gonna go there.