I love how you said that having RSD is like a third person in the marriage, I totally agree.
My husband and I often struggle in relation to staying intimate. We have been together for 7 1/2 years and I have had RSD for 2 1/2 of those years. After the RSD began our sex life decreased compared to my pain free days. It bothers him as he takes the decrease personally, and then I feel guilty. Honestly, on average we are at once a week. My RSD is in my legs and often doing the deed gives me a flare. I would love to be with him more often but I hate having the flare ups. Its a double edged sword.
Jer (husband) is very understanding (he goes to Dr. appointments with me and takes care of me after I have procedures) and yet somehow even with all this love and understanding we both find ourself frustrated when it comes to this subject.
If anyone has any advice on ways to prevent the flare while maintaining a healthy marriage in relation to this subject, please let me know.