Manda, I was 'paralyzed' with depression and anxiety over 2 men. One was the father of my child and that lasted for years. The last one in fact was a Jay as well. That shook my world really hard.

I clung to him, called him, went to visit him without an invitation, even at times begged him to be with me,...all after he had left me. In actuality, he finally moved away just to get away from me and all the memories. He didn't know what else to do.

I wanted to die. I had it all planned out in my head. That sent me to a therapist which was at the top of the list of best decisions I've ever made.

My own life history led me to those events. For whatever reason I ended up being the way I was, I knew I had to get help and find out why in the world my losses (one after the other it seemed because I also lost my sister during those years) just kept piling up, one after the other and I broke.

Some women take these breakups, losses, much harder than others. You think you can't survive, can't live. My therapist gave me a name for the 'syndrome' which I can't remember now. But I do think I sent you a link to an article at one time that described it very well.

It sounded to me like this Jay person has moved on. I know your pain is very real but you have to try and move on. Pretty much all of us will suffer more than one loss in our lives and most likely many losses. I agree with Ms. Alffe...., and I think I've said it before, but talking it out with a good therapist could do you a world of good. To not only help you understand your feelings but to help you cope with them and move on.

Losing a boyfriend is not a reason to kill yourself. For some of us (like me ) losing several big loves just seems to be a pattern. There are others out there ((Manda))!!!! Believe me. Don't waste too much of your time grieving over something you can't have ... the love of your life might walk right by you without you noticing.

And please come back and let everyone know you are okay. I promise, you'll survive this heartache.