A friend H worked with more than two decades ago called him to invite us over for his wife’s 50th birthday. H told him that I was not well, ‘had been home since March and wouldn’t be able to make it, but that he’d certainly go. The friend then asked to speak to me.

He possibly thought I’d be quiet and reserved, and there I was happy to hear from him, happy to be speaking to him. He seemed surprised and commented on it.

And here’s the shocker – I told him that - it was just as well, because it would’ve been awful to be stuck at home and miserable at the same time!

I actually told him that. I mean it was not something I had prepared for or had ready to make a dialogue of if the occasion arose. It was a thought that came to me just then. It was absolutely spontaneous.

I have truly been happy since.

For a Bipolar person with a history of deep depression, - who is in an acute Lupus flare and so a great deal of pain, who is stuck in the house for months, when even short visits to the doctors make her feel worse, - to be genuinely cheerful and able to say that she is happy, rocks.


Yeh…! I rock!


The flipside: -


- Monday and Tuesday evening I went to see my sister dance. Anybody who reads my blog will possibly remember that I am the very proud elder sister of an exquisite dancer. She doesn’t live in this city, so a performance here is a treat that I look forward to. I was not out for more than two and a half hours either evening, and that included the drive there and back. Then from Wednesday I have been feeling like rubbish. All the usual Lupus symptoms, but pretty much maxed out.

- This afternoon a friend called. She was in the vicinity and asked if she could come over. I don’t believe what I said. I actually asked her if she would mind if I said no because I really didn’t feel up to it. She was of course, very understanding. But it was not pleasant to realize how dependent I’ve become on my body. On a better day, if I am expecting someone, I can plan around it. I can have the pain medications at an appropriate time, eat and rest accordingly. and be ready. Anything unexpected throws me. But today was not a ‘better’ day and I would have cancelled planned meetings too.


Ho hum! I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am not feeling sorry for myself!