Quote:
Originally Posted by jakatak
The ebb and flow....Last night I was sitting in my chair, and for the a very brief moment, my feet didn't hurt at all. It was like someone lifted a weight off my chest. It was so wonderful. I do get those moments on occasion. I also get the zaps and burns out of the blue and it reminds me of my condition. Which leads me to my cornucopia of drugs. The Lyrica, Tramadol, my blood pressure med, my cholesterol med, my crazy med...and last but certainly not least...the big one. Oxycodone! 2 pills three times a day. 30mgs a day. Going on two years. Addicted as addicted can be...and terrified to quit. And terrified to stay on them. I used to just shake my head as a youngster when I saw the many pills my father was taking. I vowed that it would never happen to me. But, I inherited the illness of depression/anxiety. I also got lucky with the BP and cholesterol. God only knows how I got the fun little idiopathETIC PN.
I stopped at a light today on the way home from work. I nodded off right at the light! I have tremendous tightness in my neck and my shoulder blade....had it before...STRESS. Being a probation officer and supervising sex offenders can do that after being in the business for 35 years. Oh...to sit in the sun...sip on a herbal tea, be stress free....pain free....I'm 60 and my wife just turned 50. If it wasn't for her, and my wonderful 2 adult sons....I just would feel so lost. I know.....where's he going with this....I wish I knew....I just feel safe talking here.
|
I just wanted to make a comment about your use of Oxycodone and labeling yourself as addicted. There is a huge difference between physical dependence and addiction. I ran a methodone clinic for a number of years so I am coming from a position of experience. You are using the medication in the way that it was designed to be used....pain relief. Addiction is about abuse, behavior that is oriented toward getting high, taking doses way above doctor's recommendation, about life revolving around the procurement of the drug,(drug seeking) along with the loss of functioning due to the abuse of the drug. I have never heard a "drug addict" say they were concerned about being addicted. You tell them to take 10mg of drug and they take 100mg and say they need more because the "dog ate them, etc. I have heard them all) Physical dependence, on the other hand, is much different. It is about not being able to stop the drug abruptly without experiencing some withdrawal. That is because the body's natural pain killers cut back when they are receiving help from the Oxycodone and in order to build back up the drug has to be tapered. You can certainly have physical dependence without being addicted. People can be addicted to a drug and have no physical dependence (for example, grass.) The key distinction is abuse.I just wanted to make that distinction because I think you already have a lot to wrestle with and don't need another label. Jim