Yeah, I get the brain freeze thing. It happens when I’m over-stimulated and I just sort of retreat into a blank trance. I enjoy Christmas, but I have to stay out of the stores because of all the crowds, extra piped music and flashing lights.

A bigger reason I sometimes find myself standing and staring is indecision. I have so much frontal lobe damage that I find it difficult to make my mind up about even trivial things. Hence, if my brand of coffee isn’t on the shelf, I can’t pick a substitute. We all make a million little decisions every day (what to have for lunch, is it cold enough for gloves, etc…) so this can be very debilitating.

I have come up with some coping strategies. For example, it used to take me forever to get dressed because I couldn’t decide what to wear. Now I alternate between two outfits, wearing the clean one. It’s boring and may seem odd to others, but it gets my day off to a much faster start.

I know what Lucy is saying about trying to ignore the injury. There is no more sympathy for me at home: my husband just wants me to suck it up and move on. I’d love to.

I go through phases where I think it can’t be that bad and I can just will myself past it. This denial only ever makes me physically ill from over-exertion and depressed when I get slapped in the face by the cognitive deficits. Yesterday I poured tea in the wrong end of a mug, forgot my address, put the toaster in the dryer, forgot it was my Dad’s birthday and had a melt down over a missing piece of Lego. I’m sorry but pre-morbid me would never have down any of that. Unfortunately, she died is a car accident. What’s left is what everybody, including me, has got to learn to accept.

I was a super high achiever and people haven’t been able to adjust their expectations. I just sometimes wish my family and friends would realize how hard I’m working to get through each day without exploding or making a million mental errors. Even things they see as mundane are physically and mentally exhausting for me. Everything I do, takes everything I’ve got.