before i say anything more....... to some of you this is going to sound stupid or trivial. if it does, then please ignore the thread - don't answer - it is NOT stupid or trivial TO ME.

right now i am feeling sick to the stomach. it is physical but not caused physically, i mean nothing is wrong with me. it is not an anxiety attack or anything like that.

i found my dad making a sauce and it turns out it is for a stew...

...to be made with Horse Meat. i told him right out i will not eat it i will not taste it and to keep it far away from me (lest i find it spooned onto a plate with veggies i might otherwise be able to eat at a different time) and that this is non-negotiable.

I am grossed out. The same kind of grossed out as if someone were cooking a cat or a dog... hopefully you can relate to that. Which i know in some countries is done. And in this country as in many, horse meat gets eaten but my parents have never had it before when i was around; this is a first for me. And thank goodness i found out before it landed in my plate.

I am a little surprised/confused that this should hit me so hard.

I mean, i am not vegetarian. Ok, I tend not to eat "exotic meats" which i define as any other meats than those i grew up eating... before i understood creatures died to get eaten by me. in other words i don't really like the idea of eating animals, but am accustomed enough to certain meats that my mind still hypocritically detaches the concept of the killed thing from the food thing. I do believe man is biologically omnivorous so i don't believe it is a wrong thing. however, i do not know if, put into the wild, i would be able to hunt. i think i would be more likely to fall into some deadly mishap with poisonous fruit first.

the sauce is cooking and all i can think of is this beautiful muscular glossy elegant horse galloping across a field and ... directly into the pot. i can smell the sauce and even though the meat is not in it yet it sets off my senses.

i will eat separately from my parents tonight. i will just grab a sandwich in front of the tv or something. but this horsemeat eating thing is ... eating me up.

something is now searing. if i know the stew procedure... that would be the meat, before getting put into the sauce. i am afraid to go into the kitchen now. my whole body is starting to feel numb.

as if my not being in the kitchen would save the poor galloping horse.

~ waves ~