thank you Bizi.

it helps to know i am not the only one.

by the way it is not evening here yet. i will get some food don't worry. either i will wait till they are totally done, or go out. if i got a drink at the bar i could snack on their snacks but i cannot touch alcohol at this time or almost guaranteed i will get a kicka$$ migraine though. it is ironic: if i got a coke in the can, it would cost as much as a beer, but i don't think it counts as an aperitif / entitling me to the food.

i went to get coffee while dad was in the bathroom but he came out while i was microwaving my water, and stirred the pot... i hid behind the cupboard. there is a witch in my head that is telling me i should "grow up" but the other part of me is just cowering ... and that is the bigger part of me.

anyway i also sent my mother a text message (she is still out shopping) to make sure she knows i will not be eating with them and was very precise that i would not be at the table with them, and did not want any of their preparation left for me and that i would see to my own food before or after. the last thing i want to do is to have to argue about this.

i don't freak out when they eat rabbit because they have always eaten rabbit. in the past they would have me try it, but i have never liked it, so i don't eat it and nowadays i don't try it any more. besides the taste, it always bothered me a bit as i was used to seeing bunnies in pet stores... it is weird isn't it.

a former friend who did a program out in the wilderness (i forget the name) where they have to fend for themselves for like a month with only a pocketknife told me he never thought he would but... he got so hungry that at one point he saw a mouse out there and all he could think was FOOD. but he couldn't catch it (Yeah! Go Mouse! ) and ended up eating prickly pear. he does not recommend prickly pear, btw.

anyway thank you. your post was very reassuring - i do not feel so stupid and alone.



~ waves ~