thank you guys you guys are sweet thank you very much for the kind words. I am truly thankful that I stumbled upon this forum today. Thank you for sharing your stories with me too, and know that you are in my thoughts as well.

it's been right at a year and half since she passed, I keep thinking that surely that is enough time to grieve and do what I need to do, but maybe it's not. I guess it's the not knowing that really is the hardest. It bothers me becuase I rarely dream of her, and the few times I have my dream is always that she really didn't die and I am actually mad that she is back! .. These dreams bring on even more guilt becuase I know that this is not how I would feel. It's almost like she knows I am mad at her, or was mad at her, or she is mad at me from the afterlife...weird I know.