Welcome (((starstorm))) and sorry for what brought you here. I hope you've had some time to read some of the other "threads" in our Survivors of Suicide (SOS) Forum - you'll find support and understanding.

It sure is tough feeling that you could be the cause of someone's feelings ... when really, you cannot control how they feel or react... especially when they are not well. When I have been at my deepest point of depression I have been able to understand why someone could take their life... and so often it is an "accident" because they were so irrational... either so bogged down in depression (which really messes with your brain) or drugs/drink (makes our brain a bigger mess!)

I hope you can focus on your little ones... and remember that each time they see you sad, they feel sad, too... think about being the Mom I bet your Mom wished she could have been. I bet she was very proud of you. Moms are always proud - you know that... and our love is pretty unconditional... there is no way your Mom blamed you... she only blamed herself because she didn't have the strength to dig out of her addiction...

I know how sad that is.

Reyn - sorry to hear of your crisis - know that we understand when you can't be here and that you'd be here if you could ((hugs)).

Lonely1 - do you see how your situation with your Mom sort of parallels what starstorm is feeling? Even as 'big' kids, we still think we are somehow responsible or can change our parents.

hugs for everyone!