After brain surgery, hip surgery, a trip to a psychiatric hospital, the loss of my job and my divorce, I, too, felt like committing suicide. I used to go to our Canadian Mental Health for help, but they devote more time to creating jobs than solving problems. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Every time I did, I'd get a visit from the police who would send me to a hospital. So I suffered alone. Then, my best friend down the hall in this apartment complex, slashed his wrists and was found dead. I was devastated. I still think of him some two years later. Like me, he didn't have a whole lot, a meagre pension and medication he didn't like. But then, I heard that infamous line...suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. When all else failed, it took my friend's death to wake me up. This was the guy who pulled me away when I tried to jump in front of a truck. It's the same guy who listened as I suffered pain from what is now an inoperable brain condition. But every time I examine myself, I notice someone else suffering more. Maybe I don't have the perfect life anymore, but I did have a great run, meeting famous people such as Muhammad Ali. He is suffering from Parkinson's Disease and is still fighting it. I find more joy now in fighting than giving up. Maybe you could re-channel your energies towards fighting against the forces which are driving you in the wrong direction. I'm not a doctor, not a therapist and have no social worker skills. But I find it very rewarding to know I was on the edge, but managed to pull myself back. I realize all the so-called "help agencies" don't offer much help, but this is time to draw on some inner strength. I'm far from living a perfect life. But I'm not giving up. Not just yet.