this too will pass....and it will probably come back in another form....later...
holidays magnify our feelings. maybe i am crazy but i don't deep down think that suffering is a waste.....it can lead to peace...the opposite that you are feeling....i know it is hard for me to love myself since i am so critical....are you seeking perfection from yourself....can't you try to nourish the little girl within you and have some diagolgues with her where you can comfort her and tell her she is really at one with the universe and anything the great unknown has created can't be hateful but to be loved........i know when i feel really rotten i isolated myself which doesn't help me to pull myself out of the crisis. you have to tell yourself this will pass and eventually you will feel love for yourself....
bobby