Kim, You have my sympathy. I remeber vividly that same thing. I loved my job so much & was in total denial that this thing was some doctors srew up & would be fixed or go away & I would go on with my life. When I lost my job I even went to college online for a year because this thing was not going to beat me. I fainally had to give up when I got my SCS & this monster spread on me. There was no more denial. I am hre if you want to talk. I still miss my job so much it makes me cry. Its not an easy thing to let go of. Especially when you love it. I am so sorry this has happened to you.