You have every right to be angry. I would be too. Let your therapist know how you feel about her requests in no uncertain terms. And with that, let her know just how angry it makes you too. See what she has to say afterwards. she may have some reasons she wants you to go through some "hoops" but perhaps she needs to realize that she set forth an unreasonable number of "hoops" if that is what she is trying to do. In that case you and she can maybe figure out what is doable or even attemptable for you. She needs to take into consideration your level of fatigue that is partly due to physical factors plus the meds and you cannot just psych yourself out of that with "hoops!" (i am making suppositions here, about what her intent is... i don't really know.) Anyway letting her know how you feel i think is the place to start.

As for the meds, yes, do talk to your pdoc too, about lowering the risperdal if you feel it is weakening you more than helping. It is hard to believe there isn't a link between your meds and at least some of your conditions... and there can be a domino effect too. Talk to him. Yell if you need to. Rock the boat. Shake the tree. There has to be a better way. Killing the highs without fixing the lows is hardly a good solution, i agree.

I am so sorry about the weight gain too. It's easy on and not easy off. i have not gained as much but i gained 48 lbs with Zyprexa - that was 1 and 1/2 times my weight for i was 106 at the outset (granted, underweight at the time). I dieted sensibly, gradually several times and got a lot of it off, only to gain what i had lost back with another bout of depression or a SINGLE week of zyprexa. So i can relate to that too.

You have been suffering for so long. I hope you are able to give your pdoc and your therapist a jolt on these things. Medicines are supposed to make us more better than worse. Therapy too.

Is there anything that gives you comfort nowadays? Do you still read much?



~ waves ~ sending you warm thoughts