Quote:
Originally Posted by Mari
Dear Bobby,
Can you talk to her?
Maybe ask her what she sees as her role.
And then for example, tell her you do not need her for instructions. Or, for that matter, rules. We've got enough rules.
Let her know that you are working on being compassionate toward yourself and others and forcing yourself to bathe and shower everyday is not compatible with that.
Tell her what your focus IS.
Let her know exactly how she is helping and how she is not.
Tell her what you do need her for.
Give her suggestions on what you need help with.
Basically, redirect her and give her a different focus.
Maybe the both of you can find a way for her to actually help you.
M.
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Yes i didn't realize it but i am working on being compassionate finally to myself after all these years. My close friend thought that in older age it was a time for giving. That got me furious because like you since I was a very young child, I started with the giving and the neglecting. Who knows maybe not wanting to bath frequently is a rebellion although the thought of it is still stressful. The crappy thing is that I do feel very compassionate most of the time towards others and I want to help. At this age and stage I can't figure out how and I feel so empty. So far it doesn't feel good to try to feel compassionate towards yourself. It feels selfish and self absorbed and makes me realize how alone I am. That doesn't make sense either. I now have a therapist and a psychiatrist. I have a woman who comes in to clean and she is even cooking for me twice a week at .75 a hour courtesy of the department of aging. She is a sparkling gem. On Friday she even tried to cook some domican republic food that she bought in a store and was going to have for her own meals. I give her a lot of things but still feel guilty at her hard work while I am doing nothing. I mentioned my friend Robert who has been walking me around the block with wonder dog Mickey. He thinks I should get a dog which would force me to go outside and walk better and he probably thinks the responsibility would be good for me. I am tormented over this. What if the doggy got sick. It would mean more vet bills. Also I went through the heart ache of Snowball being sick most of his life and then dying young. I wouldN'T trade a minute of having that incredible deep souled kitty cat in my life. What a gift from God. Then I went through the hell of Morgy having bone cancer. He handled it so nobly.
Now I am just so confused. I keep on getting flooded with dreams. I have no idea what they are telling me. The therapist doesn't do dream analysis. I tell her I have terrible problems sleeping,-a lot of times I just get three hours- and the medications don't help the depression. I AM SO CONFUSED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO WORK ON. EVERYTHING IS SUCH A MESS AND I FEEL I HAVE NO DIRECTION EXCEPT TO TRY TO LOSE WEIGHT AND TO GET BACK INTO BETTER SHAPE SO I CAN WALK MORE THAN AROUND THE BLOCK.
bOBBY