hi again...
i wish i could have said things without even upsetting you that little bit.
i did the best i could but i was afraid of that all the same. i thought about not posting but i did my best and hoped the good would outweigh the bad. ... i'm sorry for upsetting you.
anyway, thank you for the feedback and i am glad what i said was useful to some extent.
i have felt like i was waging a battle with my T before. LOL. Maybe you
should ask her what it was like to be raised in Egypt... perhaps she will ask why you ask LOL that would be a typical therapist response
... but even so, she might answer you, and it could be interesting provide insights... i have sometimes asked personal questions before, to know "where the T is coming from" ... i don't mean geographically lol but cultural aspects can certainly have an impact!
I want to say, THE FACT you are walking around the block is itself REALLY REALLY GOOD. It will take time sure but you will get stronger. And when you get physically stronger and you WILL be able to walk MORE than that. it takes time to build that up - but it will happen.
And I agree about excessive showering being bad for the skin - frequency depends very much on the climate and degree of physical activity and type of skin you have. I recall you have sensitive skin. This is where "regularity" i think is a better (i hate to use the word) "rule" than "every day." And even then, you build up from where you cannot do, to doing a little, then a little more... the old baby steps thing.
one thing you can point out to your therapist is that you ARE working on the hygiene thing - by taking the walks, because showering is exhausting and you are still in the "acquire stamina" stage. And
assert that in any case, you get to decide your "ideal frequency" in terms of your skin, etc - not her. That can apply to clothing too especially if you do not move around much, do not sweat much, and have multiple layers.
as for the authority thing. well, i get that too. yesterday my dad walked into the kitchen and asked my mom about something being done or what. and i was like i'd hate to have him for a boss. i doubt i'd last a full day before he fired me for incompetence or i quit out of anger. Because THE number one way to block me is to BREATHE DOWN MY NECK about something, set up artificial RULES and keep reminding me of them and of deadliens. did i mention i didn't like that word? it's not overall rules i so much dislike, it's when people try to shove them in my face.
if you feel like she is shoving stuff in your face, she needs to hear that from you, and she needs to know about the authority/rebellion thing. if you already told her - tell her again.
one last thing. when i have felt really really upset with my pdoc/T, i have on occasion taken breaks - disclosed or undisclosed (sulks). i don't know if you have a frequency obligation for visits with her for seeing Dr. M. also it depends on how the anger is... the flipside is when too much time passes, the confrontation may not be as effective because the emotional charge is not there, and that is part of the message in therapy too.
and i know what you mean about not having money to spend to go out and do stuff... anything... every little thing costs money anyway. i don't even contact old coworkers or former friendly acquaintances i'd like to see, because most would be available at night - and it is unsafe for me to come home with public trans, and i can't do the cab fare any more. not even once in a while. i live too far out of the city.
i have been very passive for several years now and it makes me feel desperate. the walks will help with that too. they really will. walking helps your brain chemicals.
and you can only do what you can do - good job, and keep doing it. it will increase. (and most likely you will start losing weight after a while, too!)
love
~ waves ~
p.s. believe it or not the last confrontation with my therapist involved positive reinforcement/pressure. i got angry but also very hurt/upset and had to take a break. but we sorted it out. he listened. i hope your therapist listens to you. GOOD LUCK with this.