First of all, I'd like to thank you guys for reading and posting. As Reyn and Blue and I (and so many others) keep saying, it's amazing how much easier it is to cope with pain when I come here.

David, thank you for the story and the wisdom.

Reyn, thank you for sharing some more of your story with me. I hope that you keep your appointment on Monday, but I'm glad you got a few other problems taken care of.

As for my visit to my parents, when I got there my mom kept bugging my dad to take us all to get a Christmas tree Because she wanted to decorate it when the whole family was there. But when we got it and got home, my mom went to "take the dog out" and the rest of us started putting up the tree. By the time she came back inside she was clearly drunk. She refused to admit she was drunk even though she was slurring her words and staggering when she walked.

She made my dad get a tree and then immediatly got too drunk to do anything with it. My dad says shes drinking at least three times a week, and reuses to go to AA or even admit she's drinking no matter how obvious it is. My dad also says that she chooses to do it more when I come to visit. Is she drinking because of me? Am I that big of a dissapointment that she'd rather be drunk then spend time with me? Clearly alcohol is more important than me, both my mom and my best/only friend think so, and that's about half of the people in my life. Anyway, she passed out in her chair by 7:00, and my dad made her get up and go to bed. I didn't even bother to say goodbye to her when I left, it's not like she'd remember anyway....

Sigh.... so that's my depressing little story. Today wasn't so bad, except for the pre-work anxiety that I always feel for at least an hour before I get up and go to work. After that I was busy enough to keep my thoughts away from the darkness a little bit.

Thank you again for caring