I feel your agony. I had the similar mindset that you have. I was going to keep working and not let this RSD destroy me. I dragged myself into work everyday, never missing a day because of it, and tried whole-heartedly to hide my suffering from everyone. I was not going to quit! I refused to quit! Then my boss of 13 years decided she had to "let me go" because of complaints by my co-workers who could no longer stand watching me try to get through the day.

The hardest thing (besides the 'where do I go from here?') for me was the loss of personal identity. For 19 years, I worked fulltime as a cosmetologist. I was at the top of my game; head Color-Consultant at a highly successful salon. I LOVED what I did, and was loved by many (my clients were my second family). Another reason I loved working was because ...even though it caused more pain, it was a DISTRACTION from the pain. I went from working with many people in a fast-paced environment to being at home, no contact with other people throughout the day and constantly boggled with RSD pain on my mind.

My suggestion to you is to not be surprised if it takes quite a bit of time for you to adjust to this transition in your life. The answers will come slowly to you (as to where you go from here) and you may not receive ALL the answers. For me, 2 years later, I'm still grieving that happy, upbeat hairstylist that I am no longer allowed to be. With this experience, I really do get the saying "the mind is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Best of luck to you and congrats to you for not giving up so easily. May your new path be abundant with self-fullfillment

Gentle Hugs Vanna