(L1) Your mom is drinking because she has a problem not because you are a problem to her. Don't ever let yourself believe that! I'm so glad that Addy and jaded posted the info about acoa -- I'm going there later to read. Science has proved that addictive behaviors can be hereditary, similar to depression and suicidal behavior. I acknowledge that I have an alcohol problem on top of the drug (pain pills) problem. Anything to escape my reality seems wonderful to me, but I have a history of chemical abuse and addiction, so I know that drinking--for me--is not a good thing.

My mother's mother died by suicide which my mother never was able to get past. My mother let me know at an early age that I did not please her.`I have wondered if she saw something of her mother in me or if it was just because I was so different from her. My first visit to a psychiatrist was when I was in the 7th or 8th grade. My father explained later to me that the doctor told him the problem was between my mother and me. Maybe that is why he always welcomed me home, whether for a weekend or weeks-on-end. I never stopped trying to please my mother but eventually reached an acceptance of what I could not change (thanks to Alffe's patient listening to me and her wisdom that she shared).

Thinking of you and believing in you (L1)!

from my *heart,
reyn

P.S. I'm the youngest of 4, but I never had the "baby of the family" roll -- that went to my sister, baby #3