Dear Sandy,
I've been away from the boards for a couple of months due to overload of *stuff* in my life...I was also staying up too late researching the 'net and the boards and not being able to fall asleep.....

I had followed your posts through the months from when you were still working and how more difficult it was becoming for you.. always heeding your words, 'don't give up..'

I, too, hold much anger toward my ortho foot surgeon who continually didn't take me seriously when I repeatedly told him the post-op pain, burning and redness were bad, bad, bad. His three-minute appointments were more obligatory than investigative. I won't go into the detailed history of my WC left foot injury/surgery (two severed ligaments which took with them two hunks of fibula..the surgery reattached the ligaments and the bone pieces were removed) but it's been a wild ride with many boulder-sized, and humiliating bumps in the road.

Despite my constant complaint of post surgical pain, swelling, couldn't bear weight, etc; I was told "oh, it'll get better." In june of 2008 I diagnosed MYSELF and asked the ortho doc if I had RSD? He replied , "No" and I continued to ice, ice, ice and wear a tight brace so that I could walk! Finally, in August he said, "You have RSD..'
I wanted to reply with a few explicatives..such as "Yes, $%*&^%*# I've been trying to tell you that for months..." (I had the surgery in Feb. 2008 - was injured in Aug. '06))
He transferred me to a pain management doc (not his regular one...Hmmmmm) and she wasn't an anesthesiologist. Then he took me off his books..no more appts.
Of course, as with all of us, there are so many details and frustrations to our stories.
I am still working full time ( gotta) and now must use a mobility scooter (I have an automatic lift in the car) for any walking beyond 50 - 100 yards, because of the pain and burning in both feet/legs.

Sandy, where do you/we put the anger, sadness, frustration..first, that all this happened to us in the first place, and second, that our treatment wasn't always optimal.....
i am glad to hear you were able to have some training and introduction to mindfulness..the powerful emotions are somewhat neutralized with relaxation technique, breathing and perspective.

Sometimes the anger wells up and I want to run, and I can't..
I fear the future, the pain, and whether I'll be able to continue working (I must work!) and whether spread will continue....and how I'll be able to care care of 97 year old mom.....and the WC battle...I am trying to get a referral to an anesthesiologist...I have still not been treated by one..
I want to explore lidocain infusions, bier blocks, and even ketamine infusions but have been told that WC would never approve these....
I try and not "catastrophise" ...it's so hard not to..
..one day at a time...
I know you want to get back to work and that you have two children to whom you want to give your guidance and your best...Sandy, i know your frustration is immense...

What 'maintains' my sanity is to try and keep a mindful/philosophical perspective..but I must be a warrior and be ready for battle....
All I really want to do is go for a long, long walk amongst the trees....

Dearest friend, I am thinking of you
hope4thebest xoxoxoxoxox