Dear Breezy 55,
First of all you need to move to a lower apt. I lived on the third floor apt when this first happened 5 years ago and I had 21 step up and down on one foot with crutches. It was a mess. I went from a two bedroom on third floor to a one bedroom on the ground floor. I slept in the living room in my bed and my son slept in the bedroom. I could not handle the steps any longer. See if you can get a lower apt. It is too much to walk those steps.

I am sooooo sorry to hear you are in sooooo much pain. I hear ya and just like most all of us have been there too. I know it got bitterly cold in the North (I live in PA). You have to do something to take your mind off this monster or it will eat you up alive. You sound just like me in the first year of this mess. I was taking so much the hospital even overdosed me and sent me home like that...I still don't remember 4 days at all. In the last year or so I found that I pray alot more and breathe like someone already suggested and visualize me walking along a warm beach to try and lower my pain. I know it is not the magic wand but it does help when all else fails. I have to read for a few hours before bedtime in the evening until about 1 am or else I get so depressed all I do is cry. You must keep your mind on other things or you will indeed lose it. I will keep you in my prayers and hang in there. Do what you can to keep yourself going and at least once a day try and laugh at whatever you want to. It lowers your pain a bit. Turn on a silly movie or TV show and let the laughter go.
I am alone too so I can understand how you feel and my family doesn't get it either so I do the best I can with what I have. I have a dog and cat and without them I would be in the funny farm.
Take care,
kathy d