It's hard.....and it just seems to hurt more at this time of the year.
Grieving is hard work and it takes an emotional and physical toll on us. There's no way around it and even if we mask it, we'll still have to deal with it at some point. It's just a necessary part of healing. There's nothing that I know of to make it any easier.
Sometimes grief counseling is needed to help us through the rough spots. There's no shame in that. It's hard to understand why things happen. And trying to understand while mourning the loss of a loved one is doubly hard.
There are some really good books on the subject, too. Check out your local library and see if they have any of them. Local Hospice also has access to counseling and group meetings. There's lots of help out there. I'm so sorry for your losses and for the pain you're dealing with.