Hi,

I am depressed and tired. . . . sleeping in bits here and there for weeks now.
I really don't want to sleep.

I am going to my appointment purposely looking like a mess.
Normally I might made sure that in general my clothes and hair are mostly ok -- I would therefore look like I normally look to her.

This time I am going to makde a point of not cleaningup for her.
In case I am not able to communicate to her verbally about how badly I am doing, I will help her SEE how I am doing.


I really need her to do some intervention and not the cr*ap she's been telling me about how well I am managing.


Hubby is doing a night of DVDs at a buddy's apt, so I will be by myself for a few hours in the afternoon / evening. Maybe I can sleep when I get home from tdoc. If not, maybe I can go to a sauna at the gym and purge some tears and sweat from my system.
I'm trying. I'm really really trying to stay alive and stay sane.

M.