mist,

it looks like you'll be joining the "ears being pulled club" with me...

I miss Pter, also. He never held it back and said it like it is...

it IS a beast, it IS a monster, it IS a daily thing...and gosh heckit, it makes one tired and then just want to say phuk it....

the knives start to look tempting, the bridges start to look inviting, the poisons start to look delicious and the horse pills start look mouth watering...

add in some physical pains as well and some craziness throughout the day...

and we can easily talk ourselves into ending it all...

on top of that, we can feel so lonely in a crowded room...feel so unloved in the arms of the loved ones....

or worst of all, feel unloved, unwanted when NOBODY is around....

then, the beast will be the only one to talk to you....it'll tempt you....

it'll make the knives look like roses, the bridges look like chocolate bars...

it'll make the guns look like toys and make you think that you're the Lone Ranger....

sometimes, it is even worse when people that we love are around as well...

because everything that comes out of their mouth could sound insulting....

even if it is from the perspective of love and care....

one would find every word condescending...

it's a lose/lose situation and only we, ourselves have the ability to talk ourselves out of it...

like Pter said, we have to train our suicide thoughts like a dog....

teach it to go OUTSIDE to potty....teach it to sit next to us, not on top of us....

it's hard....because they act like cats, not dogs....they want to do it when THEY want to...and they want to TRAIN you...

if you need to borrow my training whips sometimes, misty, give a holler...

many a days I still sit on my hand or sit on my brain...

and then, tomorrow, it's another day....

((((BIG HUGS)))))