Originally Posted by waves

Hi Everyone.

I recently posted about an experience I had to a friend who had a dreadful Christmas. And it suddenly occurred to me it might be good to share that same story here, since it is about breaking free from suicidal inclinations.

I had wanted to wait until after New Year's since it is not a really festive post, but then I decided this was silly really. I already posted to one person who had a really awful time right at this special time of year. And i know first-hand how, if one is already in the middle of a depression, IT doesn't just get up and leave so we can be all perkadoodle does it? (If only!) Indeed, it can even get worse due the contrasting happiness all around if our situation or our state or both are bad.

So, i have decided to go ahead and post this now... I figure if someone is "deep in the hole" right now, or just having an acute dip right now... just maybe they can gain something from this, right now. Well, here goes:


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When i was quite young and before i learned the word "depression" i endured a "bad spell" and had a strong urge desire to end my life, yet simultaneously fear of doing any such thing. well, i broke through it quite accidentally one day. i was looking at my fine wrists and in a flash in my mind they seemed so similar to the little arms of the squirrels i used to feed at the park... i looooved those squirrels. then it was all different. something inside me broke ... i became in my mind like a squirrel... a gentle creature to nurture and treat only with kindness.

this happened actually during a long depression not a momentary one - my first severe one... it was before i turned 20. it did not take away the depression, and maybe not the desire not to be alive right then rather than be in all that pain, but it did take away every inclination of suicidality... because i realized i COULD NOT DO HARM. not to a squirrel, so, not to myself.
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I hope i was not out of place to post this now. I hope if there is anyone who needs it, this story can offer a path of light, hope, renewed compassion... love... for yourself.

We are all special creatures, like little squirrels or kittens or soft fuzzy chicks. Or delicate flowers. I hope all of you will remember this, even in the dark times, and treat yourselves with corresponding reverence and gentleness.



~ waves ~