Dear Mari

I'm so sorry. this really sucks.

all i can think is couples counseling. given your hubby is currently upset, and seems to perceive the "stuff" issue as a very personal attack on him - it occurs to me that he is taking rejection of his stuff as rejection of him. in part, i can understand that, but it is only one perspective. really what you are trying to achieve is more space. (but the stuff conflicts with that!)

it might be best for now to defer any further confrontations with hubby explicitly or implicitly related "his stuff."

but perhaps he would be willing to participate in couples counseling if you brought it up as something you need to improve communication and understanding between you - in a very general sense. it might be good to wait a little before bringing this up all the same.

all i can think for now, is perhaps to try and smooth things. consider letting him know that you did not realize your requests about his stuff would be so upsetting and feel badly that that happened. also that you did not consider his stuff as an extension of him, so you were not trying to reject him personally, and again express that you feel badly if it seemed that way to him. the whole thing to you was about acquiring space that you need to feel ok. because you do not feel ok. let him know that helping you clear things out and putting together the bookcase etc is helping you - and thank him for that. he needs to hear something positive from you i think.

i am not suggesting to take back anything you said. only to let him know it was "about you and not about him" and that you did not mean to offend him (or hurt him, you pick the most appropriate). damage control.

if none of this is applicable i am sorry. i wish you guys just had a bigger place... but space doesn't grow... like you said.

~ waves ~