Thank you so much Pete. You made my day today. I had to chuckle at the part where you told me to quit talking to my hands. U don't know how much i really needed that today. You made me smile. Thank you so much for that. i had to share that with my daughter and her boyfriend and they kind of chuckled at it to. They asked me if you were married and I told them no that you are having a rough go of things. I also told them about my being able to contact you and you wouldn't believe what they said. I am sharing this with you cuz i thought it make you chuckle a little. They said maybe he could be our new daddy...lol.I think i am feeling better now because you as well as the kids made me chuckle and i needed that today. YOu brightened my day today thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend.I am so lucky as others are on this site.I think God meant for me to be able to be friends with you and everybody here. Thank you so much.
As far as talking negative to my family and hubby I can explain a little more.My family I would go see and they would see my walker and I think they realize that I do have a disease but they don't know how to accept it so they just try to take the easy way out.I didn't talk negatively to my family. They seemed that they could care less about my disease as it was so I just involved myself in they're conversations but I don't laugh like I used to. My mom let me know that one. She said that when I go to her house I am not the same Tracy I once was. I used to laugh and giggle all the time and now I seem to be depressed. That may be true but I can't just flip a magic wand and make myself better its not like that. My mom wants me to smile and laugh every time I go down and I am sorry if this makes me a bad person but I can't do that all the time. My mom knows that i am not the same person I used to be but that is what she wants. I can't give that person to her because i am not that person anymore. My dad thinks that everytime I am asked to come down that I am just making up an excuse to not go down.That is not true. I told them all I can only take things one day at a time and see how i feel on that day. If it happens to be a bad day for pain then I try to stay home to settle the pain down. My mom spoke for my sisters and brother and told me that they told her that they don't know how to deal or handle with my disease therefore they just don't want anything to do with me. All that right there is just very hard for me to accept. I really try hard not to talk negative or even talk about my disease unless I am asked about it but I think the walker is a huge reminder. I could be wrong but what else is there with them not believing me? My husband has to bust his rearend everyday to try and make ends meet and to be able to make sure I have my meds and I understand that his part is not easy either. I have had conversations with him telling him that I know he is really stressed and has a lot to worry about on his end and that I really appreciate everything he does for this family. I tell him words can't say enough about how much i appreciate what he does. I tell him I love him every day,but I don't feel that when he says it that he means it.I am sorry.When you hear your own spouse tell you that they are staying out on the road and trying to stay busy when he is not on the road partially because he doesn't understand the disease and he can't handle it how am I suppose to feel? I really do love him. I just feel there is a huge distance between us and I really believe it is due to what he told me. How do I get over all that? I am trying but don't know how.Please help.

Sincerely,
Tracy the mess