Tracy,
You asked, I'll give you some advice.. I'm not saying it will be easy, ok?

Yes, I do believe you're looking at the thing wrong, you need a small adjustment.

You want your mother / family to change. I'm sorry to say, that you can't change them.
Accept things you cannot change, remember that prayer?
You want your mother / family to accept you. Yet, you're not accepting them.
While you can't change them, you very may well be able to lead them! Thereby changing things slowly. You'll change the dynamic.

I'm going to repeat this to you until it's marked on your brain....

"Expectation is Your Doorway to Disappointment"!

(repeat it to yourself, it took me a while to get it, and live it!)

So, if you "Expect" something of your Mother / Family, you may well be disappointed. If you don't expect much, you'll be much happier!
Same as with your body, hands etc., if you don't "Expect" them to be as good as they ever were, you won't be disappointed!

Let go of your expectations, Tracy! Otherwise you are going in circles of disappointment, pain and hurt!
Think about how much you want to stop crying. Slowly, a smile will come over you!

Think about this, too. How much are you acting like your Mom? (I have no idea, this is for you to answer), but, I'd guess that it's more than you might think...

Be well, Tracy, and feel well!
there is no magic pill. This will take a little time.
Always wish you the best!~

Happy New Year!

Pete