when i was growing up my parents' best friends died. the mother died of cancer and about a week before her death the father died from suicide. two orphans resulted who were my best friends. we lost touch 40 yrs ago. i am not sure why i was told as i was 10. was this the role model that gives me my suicidal ideas?

recently read margaret atwood cat's eye. one of the things in the book is time missing. i have noticed that things that are painful later i can't remember. i wonder how much i hide from myself.

my dog keeps me alive. i wish my family would give it the same effort the dog does. it scares me that my dog is nearing the end of his life.