Dearest Blue,

I know your anguish. Despite my reputation as the class clown, I have these impulses too. The accident shattered my body and my mind and left me with a life I am struggling not to hate. At my darkest, I think my family would be better off without me. Then I think about the things Allfe has said to folks like us on the forum.

Allfe’s right that suicide wouldn’t end our troubles as much as it would transfer them to others. My friends and family would be horrified and would grapple for years with a feeling that they had failed me. Children blame themselves for everything. I can’t imagine how that guilt, coupled with a sense of abandonment, would cripple my daughter’s life.

Suicide hurts others and, at its core, it’s ultimately selfish. Blue, I have read your posts, and if there is one thing I know about you, it’s that you have enormous empathy for others. Even from your own pain you can reach out and touch hearts. This is a rare gift. Watch the news: the world is full of selfish, egocentric losers. Those sorts of people never commit suicide; they simply aren’t sufficiently evolved to experience existential angst. The world simply can’t afford to lose someone like you – one of the special people who redeem humanity.

I’ve heard it said that all lives are a failure when examined from the inside. When I think of your accomplishments, I just can’t believe that you don’t see the value in your life. Do you have any idea what a small percentage of people in this world – especially women - reach your level of educational achievement? Your potential is limitless. Your research could change so many lives for good and throughout your career you will be an inspiration to girls entering the sciences. That my dear, is not insignificant.

You are beautiful inside and out and someday someone special is going to recognize that. If you left now, you would deny yourself so many unbelievably wonderful experiences. You would never know the sublime contentment of cuddling a nursing baby in the quiet of the night. Those babies would never be born to know the kind of loving mother that all children deserve and that builds great people. Your best days lie ahead.

Blue, life is not static. That things seem bad now, does not mean they will always be. Things come along that we can’t possibly predict – caring people, new medications, job opportunities – and change our lives for good. I know it’s hard, but we do all have one another to hang on to as we muddle, one way or another, to better days. That my dear friend, is far more than enough.