Good morning dear sweet all.

Thank you for your prayers... I was able to sleep in peace last night, from 2 am to 10 am... Without even moving !
It's a shame I had to wake up and remember all my problems

(((Steve))), (((barbo))), (((Alffe))) and (((Hockey))), thank you for being so sweet to me, your messages really touched me deep in my heart and. I really appreciate them.
Thanks for understanding me and sharing this with me.

I went to the church yesterday actually... I wanted to feel the sun-light and then talk to God... Ok, I find this very odd, but the sun-light made me cry, cry and cry When I arrived to the church, I was feeling miserable and I could only express God how sad and lonely I was felling... I was expecting the sun would help me feel better, but it didn't happen... How weird is that ?

I have a main frustration right now, that is killing me...
Imagine you start to dream with a cake... You start to imagine and idealize how wonderful it would be if you could find a vainilla cake, covered with white chocolate and decorated with strawberries and kiwis... Something very special and even uncommon... You think about it's decoration too... You imagine even the most ridiculous detail...
One day after, you find out, that exactly that cake exists !! exactly as you imagined it... With all your details... It is perfect for you... Better ? Impossible... Is all you need... BUT, when you are going to grab it and feel happy, you find out you don't have money... And, in case you manage to get the money, you are diabetic and can't eat it...
How frustrating !!! I'm feeling that way... (I'm not talking about a man this time.. Well, half-half )
Like, why was that cake created according to my right dream if it's not going to be mine ???

Yes... I have been thinking that maybe I don't deserve it... Or, that it is not the right cake for me and that better ones are to come BUT, it is not a common cake, is the one I asked God I wanted... Why did he created it if at theend he won't let me reach it ???

I'm... Sad, frustrated, worried and even mad as crazy...

I know suicide is not the solution, but, I'm tired and with a nasty headache as I can't stop thinking about the cake !!!!!

Thanks for llistening.

Hugs for everybody !!