I know how you feel siccy.
I took it upon myself 9 or 10 months ago to start training on my own for a new career as I hadn't been working some for some time and didn't feel I'd ever be able to return to the repetitive heavy lifting I was doing.
Well I got started studying but have not studied since prior to my rib resection surgery in October.
I tried telling the surgeon that I was still in pain from surgery during a follow up but I felt that the meds were causing me to be depressed.
He told me that depression was normal following something traumatic to the body like surgery.
Ended up sending me out the door with a script for more pain meds. Followed up again and due to pain has changed me from hydrocodone 500 to oxycodone 750 because we need to stop the pain.
He did take me off the diazemepan though.
He and PT decided to try a TENS unit which I got yesterday. Seems what they have me doing with it is causing more pain.
I think my PT is ready to wash her hands with me since she is making no progress.
I've been completely stressed out and depressed with this for 3 months now.
I finally ran away this weekend with my brother to hang out with cousins out of state.
I don't think the long drives helped much.
Things are really getting bad because I need to constantly think about things before I do them or weigh whether something is worth the effort because chances are within hours or the next day I'll be in pain.
It's difficult having to explain to people that I can't do things or not being able to help my parents with things that require lifting or moving heavy stuff.
I too also find I'm getting forgetful.
Hang in there. I know it's easier said than done!