[QUOTE=BlueMajo;607039]Good morning dear sweet all.

Thank you for your prayers... I was able to sleep in peace last night, from 2 am to 10 am... Without even moving !
It's a shame I had to wake up and remember all my problems


.. I was expecting the sun would help me feel better, but it didn't happen... How weird is that ?
Hi Blue, I feel compelled to offer support for how weird the crying can feel when we expected something else. I am deeply moved by your sharing and very grateful for reading the thoughtful and caring replies. I offer a tid-bit of experience from the depths of the dark side as well. The tears at going to meet god and have a talk, are likely the common reaction to the experience of light pouring out of the crack in your heart. For some reason the Grace of this light comes unexpectedly. We cry because there is no other response on the physiological level, to the immensity of that grace touching us directly.

This is often first labeled by the mind as something wrong. Tears mean something is wrong, right? But if we SIMPLY observe the body, the instinctual experience, more neutrally, we often discover it has nothing to do with any part of our "story". It often opens up due to the story, as a compensating energy, showing us we are more than the one perspective.

We are both sides. The paradox seems to be the challenge to allow the other side as much value, when we have mentally adjusted mostly to the painful perspectives. It takes a moment to shift awareness to catch grace in action. Every time we do notice it, we can remember we are THAT LIGHT AS WELL. So the dark story is never taken as the whole in quite the same way again. The good news/bad news paradox and irony.Then our body cries tears of remembrance not sadness, one might use the words 'bitter sweet' tears.

I hope this sharing of mine will support those brief moments where the light shines like a beacon through the crack in your broken heart. It says, look here I am as well.....Both /And rather than only this is real.....


Like, why was that cake created according to my right dream if it's not going to be mine ???

Loved your cake metaphor. Wondering if it might represent your conscious desires for whatever the underlying representation means to you. Unattainable because it is made up of idealized version of reality not embodied in life limitations in matter. Sometimes what looks good and yummy in the beginning, becomes less yummy in the end.

Maybe it is unattainable not because you don't deserve good, yummy things, but because it is too small and limited version of the delicious, juicy thing you really want and deserve. Sometimes the mind tricks us into grabbing onto the hollow treats, and the idealized version of reality they represent.

I have certainly mistaken the 'lovely appearing cake' as my expected outcome in the past. Some part of me somehow knew better. I never quite got to have that expectation or desire fulfilled. Yet I assure you there is the possibility of something even better, more juicy, representing a higher potential enjoyment, than what the regular craving mind can imagine.

The other unknown option is what I have to remember to make room for in my life. When I do surprising things come forth. I learn that I do not know what is best for me at all much of the time. And the old maxim- be careful of what you wish for holds true......

I hope you might make room to feel this momentary surprise and shift in awareness, and be able to build on it and discover something new and exciting within the frustrating and aggravating process.

Hope things are better lately, and that something rings true in what I was inspired to share. Thanks for the chance to remember the process of finding the unknown mysterious thing which makes everything balance out perfectly!

Best Wishes for the New Year TT