I'm so sorry you had a rotten night like that.

I want to believe that in time there will be a solution... and i mean like a coping solution or a med solution. something so you won't have these nights, or they won't be as bad, or when things start to precipitate you will have found a way to slip out of the experience and into a better one.

I like Hockey's suggestions. I wonder if you have tried things like that?

Don't give up. Look for ways to cope. If you find something that helps even a little, work on it. It may take time, trials and practice at things.

I have thought of a few things maybe you could try when you get those horrible attacks:

Can you wake up your kitty cat and keep her/him on your lap? Or if you don't want to wake up your cat, can you just set the back of your hand up against the sleeping kitty's so you can feel the warmth and the fur... and focus on that and on your kitty as hard as you can.

Have you every tried hugging yourself physically (wrap arms around your own shoulders and squeeze or rub your shoulders up and down.)... it can be really comforting. i do that sometimes.

In general, i have found that the most successful ways of taming fear and anxiety however they manifest are by use of the sense of touch. tactile activities and sensations somehow seem to be able to bring me back and impart a sense of safety in me, better than other activities - visual or auditory or whatever.

music, for instance, can turn on a flood of emotions. So if i'm already in any kind of sensitized state, it can augment whatever i am experiencing. It depends though. If i had to pick something to listen to in a fear attack, i think possibly Chariots of Fire might be really good. It is soothing overall, pretty mellow, but also definitely rhythmic, and powerful. (hmmmmm... too bad i have it on tape but not on CD and i don't have tape player any more! )

what i am saying is by no means meant to be universal. i just hope to give you some food for thought, things to try, and see if they help you. if they don't, try other things. discover Steve and what Steve responds to best.

Sending you lots of hugs and strength to get through these difficult days.

~ waves ~