Every therapist I have ever seen also tells me that I am too controling with my husband...

I tend to be the one who "wears the pants", but the way my husband and I both see it is that someone has to be the one who is in charge of the household. Someone has to be the one to make sure the bills get paid, make sure the pets are fed, etc... I tend to be the house manager person.

This makes mental health professionals uneasy because A) I am the woman and B) they assume that it is a 'controling' behavior because of my mental health issues.

In my opinion, it's not a control issue at all. My husband doesn't see it as a control issue, and neither does any of our friends or family.

I grew up as the oldest child of 6 kids - my husband grew up as an only child who was a bit spoiled... due to our childhoods, my husband literally did not know how to do any type of household stuff when we met. He didn't know how to do laundry or dishes or vacuum and he didn't even know how to fold his own clothes because his mother always did it for him. In addition, he was never taught any money management skills by his parents, so bill paying and balancing a checkbook was also a mystery to him.

To make a long story short, because I know how to do all of these thing and because he didn't know - I stepped into the "house manager" type of roll where I became the person who made sure that things got done and that they got done properly and on time. As time has gone on, the roles have gotten more equalized because he finally learned how to do things (like pay bills).

Therapists and other mental health people see our relationship as one of control... which makes me laugh because when the roles are reversed and it is the husband who is keeping track of appointments and bills and other household stuff it is not seen as control unless the husband is abusive.... but when it is the woman who is in charge it is seen as controling even when it is not abusive.

Essentailly, if the roles of your relationship work for you and work for your husband - then try not to let the mental health people tell you that it needs to change.

My husband does not want to be in charge of keeping track of appointments and remembering when bills are due... it causes him extra stress, and since he works a 40+ hour week and I don't work at all, I don't mind at all taking on that stress/responsibility of being in the role of the 'house manager'. Some one has to be in the "take charge" role because otherwise things either don't get done.

My husband and I are happy with our relationship and our roles. If the mental health people don't like it then that is their issue because my marriage has only 2 people in it - me and my husband - and the way we have both defined our roles in this relationship works perfectly for us and keeps us both happy and content and our marriage works.... and we are not going to change something that works or change something that we like simply because an outsider doesn't like it.

Sorry to babble on your thread.... but I hope it helps.

Liz