i wonder if what i'm wondering fits...
i wonder ... for i don't really know you, or your story, yet...
i wonder why your post yanked the memory of a particular article in my mind...
i wonder if i can leave you with a quote and a link...
i wonder if it will be enlightening or helpful in some way...
Quote:
A Soul With No Footprints
It happened and there was nothing there. The relationship was one-sided and we were relating to a 'soul with no footprints', a shade, a ghost, a wisp, that leaves no trail because he never was. Our love was unrequited. The relationship did not exist. That, I believe, is the unvarnished truth.
Why is it easier to blame ourselves? Why do we need to engage in further self-abuse? What we can control, I believe, is in the work- of reremembering by thinking back, reframing, facing, changing, with our newfound knowledge.....that is control- but we cannot get back what we never had- we cannot get it back by blaming ourselves, even in part.......for as long as we blame ourselves, we hang onto a relationship, one that never WAS......as long as we blame ourselves, we cannot let go....we may have issues (and who doesn't) that we may wish to work on and that may have been sparked by the encounter, but we did not CAUSE the encounter- other than the human foibles we all carry, our strengths and weaknesses.......we were not remotely at fault- but to see and acknowledge these things it would mean that we would have to GIVE UP the idea that there was a relationship and that we had ANY control!
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excerpt from:
Narcissism Support Resources: A Soul With No Footprints
i wonder if i just add, that it sounds as though you made a big step towards self-healing in standing up for yourself.
i wonder if you know that guilt is a common experience in the types of relationships described by the article.
i wonder if i can just remind you it is not your fault if someone doesn't love you the way you
deserve.
((( hugs )))
~ waves ~