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DiMarie · 01-20-2007, 12:36 PM

[FONT="Comic Sans MS"Mrs Bear I get it,
Been there done that. Bad marriage, panic attack from an abuser stalker , my brother that started back up again the last week. I developed the panic anxiety disorder from this three yeas of stalking harassment and adult/childhood assaults.. In both cases when he was trespassing harassing me, I became so flustered and couldn't "Think" I had fight or flight and in my own private area he chased me and I had to run...I could have taken the cell phone out and taken his picture, not flee....I am a rock solid person, but can not function with the level of anxiety he inflicts on me.

But, about the visitation. I work in this field, plus had an ex...not that he bothered with the kids but I know what the courts told him. Hey even if you watch Judge Judy she will tell him, figure it out, she does not have to convince you or open her home.

It is up to the husband to figure out how he sees and gets the children. It never should be anymore contact then a curbside pick up. I never heard of anyone allowing inside home exchanges, especially with past issues to cause and inflict emotional pain on you. That is your home; it is not the local community center.

His wife is being passive aggressive in sticking up for her mate no matter what the proper legal response is. I can not give legal advice, but most cases I supervise are because of safety issues with the custodial parent. We have separate arrival times and departure so there is no contact. It takes the stress out of the mother’s or fathers hands for contact issues.

In your case it sounds like the children are older, certainly they must be old enough to go to his vehicle if he pulls up. His desire to be in your home sounds like on going control issues and your husband must be livid that this man thinks he is going to tell him how things are going to operate.

If you do not have an attorney, I would at least write a certified return receipt letter explaining that future pick ups and drop offs are not you responsibility, he ahs to figure that out. The most courtesy I would extend for your own children’s sake is to use the curb out front.

Otherwise if your husband would not mind, it is K-mart parking lot with he as the drop person, not you. Funny, how they whine when their power starts to be reduced or taken away. You are to be safe from him and the memories and never need to have contact with him unless a child is getting married plaster a smile on in the pictures.

If you have supervised in your home because of a child’s disabilities, then you may want to consider using a visitation center. There are various levels of contact with the child. We provide anything from supervised phone calls, to an hour visit, exchanges short term or weekends.

I am sorry I miss some details of your situation, but I know the "anxiety" I know that it is not your problem how he figures out how to visit his children. Let him go back to court. You are in the right and no judge will force you to allow him into your home. I would also suggest as I do to many clients, contact the women’s resource agency, although it has been many years, these emotions do not heal with time, nor does the obviously your ex's control issues. They can help your understand and address this issues, also provide for court if he challenges your decisions.

But, you have custody, he by court is allowed visitation, and if the order does not say he can come inside your home to be supervised, then he figures it out. If not, the court will for him and it won't be at your inconvenience.

It sucks, that I can try to empower you over you ex and I can't even get a cell phone out and get photo evidence against my stalker and I was a police officer for 18 years, and undercover security for many.....but this abuser robbed me of my instinctive nature to respond in a police manner to protect myself.

The power wheel of control, just like a wheel it has no ending,
Dianne[/FONT]