((((((((Bear)))))))))))

My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old.

When I entered middle school my parents decided that I was old enough to be able to decide when to see my dad and I was old enough to plan which weekends. They did this because I was getting older and had other stuff to do on weekends (like babysitting and spending time with friends).

Anyway, I did just fine being in charge of my visitation schedule with my dad. I would talk to my dad on the phone and we would discuss my schedule and decide what weekend or what day/time he would pick me up and drop me off. It worked just fine.

As for coming into the house - my dad never did unless my mother invited him. He would ring the bell and then go and wait by the car. Occasioanlly I would want to show my dad something new in my room, and I would ask my mom first and then she would busy herself in another part of the house while I showed my room to my dad.

I had no problems or issues with this. I knew they got divorced, and although they never fought or said anything negative about each other to me I still knew that parents get divorced for a reason and that they did not need to talk to each other or see each other.

As a kid I had a lot of health issues that my parents would have to discuss. For the most part, my mother would talk to my grandmother (dads mom) and then gram would tell my dad. sometimes my mom and dad would write letters to each other to communicate about my health stuff... they managed to communicate without talking to each other and without putting me in the middle -- it sounds as if this is what you are doing also and I just wanted to tell you that as a child who grew up in this similar circumstance I did not suffer any problems because of it.

You are doing what you need to do in order to maintain your health and well being while still caring for your children and their relationship with their father. If their father can not understand the boundries and rules then that is HIS problem not yours. Hopefully, he can accept the bounderies, but if he can not, then maybe your husband would be willing to be the person who handles the the times when the ex picks up or drops off the kids.

You are doing the right thing in order to protect yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. I am so glad that your husband is supportive because that is probably very helpful for you and the kids.

I do hope that your ex can begin to respect the boundries and stop complaining and making life difficult -- but if he can not accept the boundries, then you can enlist the assistance of a lawyer to make sure that your boundries for visitation exchanges are legally spelled out as part of the custody/visitation order... and then your ex will have no choice but to follow the order.

((((((hugs))))))