I am glad I said something outloud. Wrote it down for me to look at.

Because now I am mad at him. Yes, he is still trying to control me and I now refuse to allow it. Good. Thank you, Mari. I needed that.

I laid it out for the kids. Con, of course, understands and said "I don't blame you mom. It's fine with me." lol. Wes, on the other hand, was mad as all get out with me. Now he's ok, and will figure out how he can still see dad and not have dad here. But he was REALLY upset with me. They are 17 and almost 14. And you are right Witty. They are big enough to be able to plan their own activities and I think it will help them have a stronger relationship with their father without me playing the middle man.

It has been a long, painful battle to help my boys see the positive side of their father and give them the strength and hope to trust and love him. They both have had issues with his behavior and they both have had to find forgiveness and learn to love unconditionally. I don't want to take that away with my behavior and your experience helps me understand that it is possible. Take away all the drama and all that is left is their relationship with each other.

I like the note writing senerio. I don't want my husband to have to referee, and I don't want to talk through the ex's new wife. Too much drama in that senerio.

So I will write little notes.

Thank you so much. I always put so much on myself that when I say I can't do something, many people in my life freak out. I am finally to a point where the people that have remained in my life understand that when I say I can't do something, they get it and find a way to do whatever it may be themselves.

Now if I could only do that with work.

And I get the helping other people, but can't quite get there myself Di. It hurts so much and the panic is so LARGE that it gets in the way of reason. And my car accident didn't help much. I am a little hypo-manic still and that never does me any good as far as the anxiety/panic stuff. Sigh.

I just hope your brother trips up soon and pulls something stupid in front of whitnesses. I can't believe he is still on a rampage. Dork. Even strong people need help sometimes, love. It's ok that you need help through this too.