i would like to share this because it may help others to look at their condition and take seriously into account what stress does on the body. it will be probably the most insight i have found the hard way as to why symptoms can be so horrible. i will tell all of my personal problems for the rest of you to reflect on the conversion disorder dxd and also to say to others that are going through dramatic stress filled personal lives that it is okay to feel an overload. it is not your fault. if your situation is one that you can get out of.. do it. leave. it is not worth your life. if you cannot change it, and it turns into conversion disorder, that is ok too. it is not you or anything you have done. and it is not a mental problem. it is your brain reacting to an overload of stress and nothing to feel ashamed of.

i am not quitting because im tired of the interaction here online. believe me, i will remain dutifully tied to advocasy which will be abundant in my poetry. i am closing shut a book and opening a new one. my new life is beginning the way I choose it to. though i may not choose to have pd i DO choose how i want to deal with it. i have been through too much these last 2 years which included my husband being arrested for domestic violence, my mother being diagnosed with cancer, finding out my dbs wire was put in the wrong area of the brain, the discovery of my daughter and husband having an affair, going through a very messy and volatile seperation and having to leave the house i knew as home for 10 years. some of these events were situations i had no control over (dbs, husband issues, mother) but some were choices i had to make for the betterment of my overstressed life. (seperation and moving). either way..it was just far too much.

though the internet has been a porthole of support from which i both recieved and gave, it also became an escape which i needed at the time, but no longer do. i have a new life now. what is past is past. what is going on now is what it is. the way i react to it needs to be different. the shock factor which kicked my mind into a type of survival instinct kept me on auto pilot as i flew through the severity of the hardships. now it has is sinking in and this is where i must be cautious as walls need to come down for me to surpass them.

God is working in my life and i have faith that he will continue to.. thats all i need to say. peg.. i still plan on extending my words to help others, just not in this format. i do offer this though..never doubt yourself and learn through every mistake. there is nothing wrong with reaching the genius level of wisdom.