I just need to get it off my shoulders.

I've had a continuing, growing tic spell. It's been going on for 4 days now. I can't sit still--my shoulders always roll, my head always wobbles, and my legs and knees collapse into spasms. I haven't felt the urge to vocalize--yet!--but I almost wish I could "substitute" motor for vocal...I am exhausted. I can't take this much anymore.

My body aches everywhere.

My girlfriend told me to just let them out, but that's a huge issue for me. First of all, I have subconsciously conditioned myself to hold them in as tight as I can. I want to tic, but the desire to hide is much too strong....I want to just go crazy! The bent up energy is suffocating.

Secondly, when I can finally relax enough to the point where I can exert myself, it's much too late, and we live in a very small apartment with neighbors who complain about us doing dishes--what would they say to barking, screaming, dinosaur roars?

I talk about this to Litara, and she totally gets it--because she has spasms and twitches herself. But in the end, I am not relieved. I am about ready to shut down....because my body is overexerted and beyond exhaustion.

What do I do in times like this? In class today, the woman next to me gave me the stink eye...I tried to tell her after class, but I couldn't form sentences (shame, ecolalia, and fear took over!)

Does it get better? I'm so sad. I'm so tired. I'm so...mad. I know you guys get it. I'm sorry for the horrible rant thread this is, but I express myself better when I write than when I talk--and I needed to get this out.

Thanks for listening...I don't know if this accomplished anything to post this...but somehow...I feel a bit relieved, and even the tiniest bit helps