Sandy,

My dad insisted on staying in his house up to the end. He was miserable there at times but it was what he demanded. He needed to be in control and that was one of the things he still could control. We got him a helper who was a gift from God; Keith, who took the verbal abuse and was fired regularly by him.

Our dad was a curmudgeon to beat all curmudgeons but we loved him and honored his wishes. His doctors got angry with us but we knew what would happen if they tried to force him out of his home.

I'd go visit him regularly on the weekends (he was 60 miles from me) and when I took him out he'd fall down sometimes and refuse to use his cane or walker. (And God forbid we mention a wheelchair!) It was pure he!! on me and my sister but he lived his life the way he wanted.

He had his kitty to keep him company, and Keith spent at least half a day with him each day. I took him out on the weekend and my sister handled his money as much as he would let her. He died in hospice at the hospital after he developed leukemia in the end but we were by his side and I feel fortunate for that. It was hard, so hard, but he did it his own way. The nurses let us sneak his kitty in to see him one last time.

When you speak of your mom it makes me think of my dad. God bless you for all you've done. PLEASE don't feel guilty. You have a very independent mom and I know she loves you but you have to let her handle things as much as possible and know you can't control it all even for wanting to keep her safe. God bless you for being such an awesome person.